How to Rewrite Your Story

Have you ever knocked on wood to prevent bad luck? Or avoid walking under a ladder, just in case? Superstitions and beliefs shape how we see the world, often without us realizing it. But here’s the real question: are these beliefs helping you—or holding you back?

Our minds are wired to look for patterns and meaning. Some beliefs serve us well, keeping us safe or giving us comfort. Others, however, limit our potential. The key is knowing the difference.

The Power of Beliefs & How They Shape Reality

What if the way you see yourself and the world around you isn’t set in stone? What if your beliefs are simply patterns you’ve reinforced over time—and can change whenever you choose? Beliefs dictate our decisions, emotions, and even our potential. Some empower us, while others keep us stuck.

Think about a belief that has shaped your life. Maybe it’s “I’m not good with money,” “I always struggle with relationships,” or “Success is for other people, not me.” Where did this belief come from? More importantly—does it serve you?

Challenging & Reframing Beliefs

To break free from limiting beliefs, start by identifying them. What’s one belief that has been holding you back? Next, ask yourself: Is this belief based on facts, or is it just something I’ve accepted as true?

Now, reframe it. Instead of “I’m not good at public speaking,” try “I am learning to communicate with confidence.” Instead of “I don’t have what it takes,” shift to “I am building the skills I need to succeed.” Small changes in language lead to powerful shifts in mindset.

The way we think shapes our reality. When we challenge limiting beliefs, we open ourselves to new possibilities. The same mind that once believed in a superstition can learn to believe in something greater—like your own ability to change, grow, and thrive.

This month, I invite you to question what’s in your “belief box.” Do your beliefs support the life you want? If not, it may be time to rewrite the script.

So, what belief are you ready to rewrite this month? Let’s start the conversation.

If you are having trouble identifying your limiting beliefs and want to experience limitless possibilities, reach out to me to learn more about the Breakthrough Coaching program I offer.

In short, I provide a deep dive into the way you think, exposing all limiting beliefs that are connected to a great problem. Through the process of Mental and Emotional Release®, you will engage your Unconscious Mind to fully release all limitations you’ve adopted and accepted to be a part of you. Creating a clean slate to build from and create the life you’ve dreamed of.

Believe in yourself, believe in change.

- Elizabeth

Nighttime Self-Care Ritual

Reserve 10-15 min (device free) right before you enter bed.

What You Need:

• A cozy space to relax

• A gentle face cleanser

• A warm cup of herbal tea (optional)

• A soft blanket or pillow

• Soft music or bilateral tunes

Steps:

1. Set the Scene: Dim the lights or light a candle to create a calming atmosphere. Consider putting on soft music or nature sounds to help you unwind.

2. Cleanse: Wash your face with a gentle cleanser to wash away the day’s stress. As you do this, take a moment to be present and breathe deeply, allowing the warm water to relax you.

3. Relaxing Drink: If you enjoy tea, make a cup of caffeine-free herbal tea like chamomile or peppermint. Sip slowly as it helps calm your body and mind. With each sip, I reflect on a moment from the day that I can add gratitude. Even the tough stuff has a place in the heart of gratitude. (Hint: tough stuff makes you stronger for something bigger and better!)

4. Breathe & Unwind: Find a comfortable spot to sit or lie down. Close your eyes, take a deep breath in for a count of four, hold for four, and then exhale slowly. Repeat a few times to release any tension.

This simple nighttime ritual doesn’t require any special tools—just a few minutes of care for yourself. By creating a calm environment for your senses to relax and letting go of the day, you’re setting yourself up for a restful night’s sleep.

What Have You Done for Yourself Lately?

(read while you play Janet Jackson)

You are more than just your thoughts and emotions. Your body is your home, your temple, the vessel that carries you through every moment of your life. And yet, how often do we truly take the time to honor it? In today’s fast-paced world, it’s easy to forget that our bodies speak to us constantly.

They send us signals that we often overlook:

• Fatigue: When you feel exhausted, your body

• is asking for rest.

• Tension: Tight muscles or headaches are signals that you’ve been pushing too hard or taking on more than you need to.

• Hunger: It’s your body’s way of asking for fuel.

• Thirst: A reminder that hydration is essential for vitality.

• Buzzing: The buzzing feeling inside the body is often interpreted as motivation of drive, but it’s unsustainable, leaving you still tired.

Honoring your body begins with listening to those signals and responding with care. It doesn’t have to be complicated—it’s about small, consistent acts of self-love. Here’s how you can start:

• Check-in with yourself: Pause and notice how your body feels. Are your shoulders tense? Do your legs feel tired? Are you craving something nourishing? Take a moment to really tune in.

• Give it what it needs: Whether that’s rest, hydration, or food, honoring your body is about responding to those needs. If you're feeling hungry or fatigued, take action. If you're thirsty, hydrate. If your body craves movement, take a walk or stretch.

• Make space for recovery: If you’re feeling mentally or physically drained, allow yourself to step back and recharge. This isn’t a sign of weakness—it’s necessary for your long-term health and well-being.

I can already hear your challenge. “Elizabeth, I don't have anything I can give up or move around to even check in with myself!” My counter to the challenge, “If you do not choose to you first now, your body will decide for you when it’s really inconvenient. So schedule it.”

By honoring your body with small, consistent acts of care—whether through nourishing foods, movement, or rest—you create the foundation for a vibrant, balanced life. Your body is your temple, and when you treat it with love and respect, it responds by giving you energy, strength, and clarity. You produce MORE! You can give the world the best of you instead of what is left of you.

Below, we’ll explore how to deepen this connection with your body and listen to the wisdom it holds. It’s time to recharge, creating the energy you need to make your best life happen!

Enjoy a moment of peace and self-care, and remember: honoring your body isn’t a luxury—it’s a necessity.

Creating Your Best Self: The Power of Mental & Emotional Release® and Future YOU

Imagine being the person you want to become. Now picture that version of you at the end of 2025—healthier, more confident, at peace, and on track with your dreams.

How did they get there?

What choices did they make along the way?

The exciting truth is that your future self is not a distant dream; they're created by your choices today, no matter how small.

The Mental & Emotional Release® (MER®) Breakthrough process is a powerful way to start shaping that future self. By working together to release emotional baggage, you can unlock the energy and mindset needed to stay laser-focused on your path and goals.

Through this process, this will empower clients to transform their emotional intelligence, energy, and perspective, guiding them in their journey toward growth in areas like personal development, health, relationships, career, and spirituality.

An MER® breakthrough doesn’t just help you release emotional blockages; it creates wholeness in your chosen area of life, bringing you clarity and focus to align your mind, body, heart, and soul.

This new sense of freedom and emotional flexibility allows you to move forward with confidence, unwavering in your mission, and open to all possibilities that resonate with your true path.

The Magic of Small Steps

Waiting for the "perfect time" to start changing is a trap. Change doesn’t need to happen in leaps and bounds; it’s in the small, intentional actions that we begin to embody the person we want to become. Each step forward, even if it’s just a tiny shift, builds momentum that will carry you to where you want to be. You don't need to overhaul your entire life; you simply need to take aligned, consistent action.

The MER® process helps you get clear on your vision of the future and guides you in taking those first steps—whether it’s adopting a new habit, shifting your mindset, or acting as if you're already the person you envision becoming. This process sets the stage for lasting transformation, giving you the flexibility and strength to stay focused and grounded as you work towards your dreams.

Why Start Now?

The version of you at the end of 2025 is already unfolding, and it’s happening right now. Every choice you make today is creating the person you’ll become tomorrow. So why wait for “someday”? Every small moment of growth counts and every step you take brings you closer to that future self you’re already becoming.

By integrating the MER® breakthrough process into your journey, you release the emotional blocks and limiting beliefs that keep you from moving forward, and you align yourself with your true potential. You’re not just setting goals for the future; you're actively becoming the person who can achieve them. So, what are you waiting for? Your future self is cheering you on—let's meet them, one step at a time.

To My Amazing Clients

I want to take a moment to express my deepest gratitude to each and every one of you who has embraced the You First Now approach.

Watching you take responsibility for your growth and transformation has been one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. You’ve not only achieved goals you once thought were out of reach, but you’ve created lives that are even more incredible than you ever imagined.

Your dedication to believing in yourselves, assuming positive intent in others, and not taking things personally speaks volumes about your strength and character.

You’re contributing to your communities, spreading light, and above all, you’re having fun along the way. It fills my heart with so much pride to witness your continued growth and success.

I want you to know that I love you with my whole heart. You are all living proof that when you put yourself first in the healthiest, most empowering way, the sky is the limit.

Let’s make 2025 our rocket fuel — a year of limitless growth, joy, and even greater accomplishments.

Thank you for choosing You First Now. I am honored to walk this journey with you.

With all my love and gratitude,

Elizabeth

The Power of Being Present:A Gift to Yourself and Others

Life seems to move at lightning speed these days, doesn’t it? Between endless notifications, growing to-do lists, and constant planning for the future, it’s easy to overlook the one thing that truly matters—the moment right in front of us.

Being present is about showing up fully, not perfectly. It’s about being here—really here—instead of letting your mind race ahead or drift back.

Why Being Present Changes Everything

When you focus on the now, something amazing happens:

• Stronger connections. People can feel when you’re truly listening—it’s like a superpower for building relationships.

• Clearer thinking. Worry and overwhelm often live in the past or the future. The present? That’s where clarity resides.

• Inner peace: Presence dissolves anxiety, which often lives in the past or future. Life is happening now, not in the "someday" you’re chasing.

It’s like driving a car: You don’t get anywhere by staring at the rearview mirror or obsessing over the map. The road ahead reveals itself moment by moment.

Think about it: Life isn’t found in yesterday’s memories or tomorrow’s plans. It’s happening in the little moments unfolding right here.

How to Be Present (Even When It’s Hard)

Here are some simple ways to bring your focus back to now:

1. Take a deep breath. Seriously, just pause. Feel the breath as it enters and leaves your body. This one small action can reset your entire day.

2. Tune into your surroundings. What do you see, hear, or feel? Noticing these little details pulls you out of your head and back into the world around you.

3. Ask yourself, “What’s important right now?” It’s easy to get caught up in a million distractions. This question brings your attention back to what truly matters.

4. Let go of the need to do it all. Sometimes, just focusing on one thing—whether it’s a conversation, a task, or even a moment of rest—can make all the difference.

A Simple Visualization to Re-Center

When you feel scattered, picture yourself standing in the middle of your life. All the noise, stress, and distractions are on the outskirts. But right here, at the center, is a calm, steady version of you. Stay there. Feel the stillness.

The Beauty of Being Here

When you choose to be present, you give yourself—and others—the most precious gift of all: your attention. It’s a way of saying, I’m here. I’m listening. I care.

The truth is, life’s magic isn’t waiting for you in some far-off future. It’s happening now, in the little moments: a shared smile, the sound of laughter, the warmth of the sun on your skin.

So today, take a moment to pause and simply be. Notice the beauty in the world around you and let yourself soak it in. Because when you’re present, you’re alive to all the wonder life has to offer. Right now is enough. You are enough. Embrace it.

Navigating Holiday Headaches

The holiday season brings joyful celebrations with family and friends, as well as heightened tension and pressure. If you experience stress or anxiety in your daily life, societal expectations during the holidays can intensify these feelings.

Whether you’re searching for the perfect gift, trying to keep up with the never-ending social events, or cleaning the house before family and friends arrive, it’s imperative to make sure you have the right tools in your back pocket to prioritize your well-being.

First is learning how to use the 3 Cs of communication: conscious, compassion, and concise.

Be conscious when trying to understand how the other person is communicating and choose context over content to better interpret what they might be going through at that moment.

Always assume positive intent and avoid taking things personally.

If your communication comes from a place of compassion, you can’t go wrong. Before speaking, ask yourself: ‘Is this statement coming from a place of love?’ If you don’t have anything positive to contribute, take a deep breath and remove yourself from the conversation. “Excuse me, I have to pause to use the restroom,” is a phrase I use often.

Keep your communication concise by utilizing the K.I.S.S. method: keep it super simple.

Choose your words carefully and come from a giving place when engaging in conversation.

Implementing boundaries creates a safe space for people to be their authentic selves. Identifying and setting boundaries can be challenging at first, but with practice, you will be able to confidently reinforce them.

As you interact with others, be mindful of how you feel and if you notice an uncomfortable feeling, or what I like to call a “twinge,” signaling that someone has crossed your boundary. When this happens, identify which boundary has been crossed and correct it by identifying if you have clearly expressed this boundary previously.

If you have not, it’s time to do so by using the 3 Cs of communication.

Approach every interaction with the understanding that other people have no idea how to treat us unless we give them instructions on how to do so. Once we set our boundaries, it is up to them whether they want to respect them, and you are in charge of deciding whether or not you want to change them.

Ultimately, you have the most control over yourself to create the peace you desire.

The final tool to keep in your back pocket is using your 1-2-3 plan to regulate your emotions. If you feel the “twinge” during an uncomfortable conversation, first excuse yourself from the situation, second self-soothe by affirming that you are safe and in charge of your reaction, and thirdly incorporate grounding practices such as breathing exercises.

The holiday season is focused on the principle of giving. Don’t forget to give yourself the time, space, and freedom to prioritize your own needs and fill your own cup. This will enable you to give your family, friends, and the world around you the best of you instead of what’s left of you.

Finding Joy in Everyday Moments

You know that warm, content feeling you get when you think about something that just makes you smile? That’s gratitude. It’s a simple shift in focus from what we feel is missing to all that we already have, and it can lead to a major boost in happiness and well-being. In a world that’s often focused on what we *don’t* have, gratitude can feel like a breath of fresh air, showing us the abundance in our lives and adding a little extra joy to each day. Let’s talk about how gratitude can make a real difference.

How Gratitude Lifts Us Up

Gratitude isn’t just about saying “thanks.” It’s about tapping into feelings and aligning the energy throughout our body, which genuinely improves life. Here’s why it works:

• More Positivity: When we’re grateful, it’s like adding a filter that brings out the bright colors in life—more joy, peace, and optimism.

• Less Stress: Shifting our focus to what’s good can ease anxiety and give us more peace of mind.

• Better Relationships: Gratitude builds stronger connections with others, helping us feel closer, more appreciated, and more loved.

• Increased Resilience: When life gets tough, gratitude can help us bounce back by reminding us of the good stuff still around us.

• Improved Health: Believe it or not, studies show that gratitude can even boost physical health—better sleep, less pain, and stronger immunity.

Ways to Bring More Gratitude Into Your Day

Starting a gratitude practice doesn’t have to be time-consuming or complicated. Small changes can have a big impact, so try a few of these ideas and see what works for you.

1. Gratitude Letters: Take a moment to write a heartfelt thank-you to someone who’s made a difference in your life. It could be a friend, a mentor, or even a family member. The act of expressing gratitude can deepen those connections in meaningful ways.

2. Daily Gratitude Rituals: Create a small daily or weekly ritual. Maybe you light a candle, say a little thank-you, or keep a daily gratitude list. Whatever works to bring gratitude into your routine!

3. Mindful Appreciation: Practice noticing the small stuff—a great meal, a gorgeous sunset, or even just the warmth of your coffee mug in the morning. When we pause to appreciate the little things, life just feels a bit brighter.

4. Gratitude Circle: Get together with friends or family and share something you’re grateful for. It’s a great way to connect and spread positive vibes.

5. Gratitude Affirmations: Try repeating a simple affirmation like, “I’m grateful for today.” Repeating positive statements can help train our minds to focus on what’s going well.

6. Gratitude Journaling with Visualizations: Write down what you’re grateful for, and try to visualize those moments as you write. It’s amazing how this can bring those feelings to life and make them feel more real.

7. Anchor Your Gratitude: Try tying your gratitude to physical action, like a little tap on your shoulder or clasping your hands together. This can be a grounding reminder to keep gratitude close by.

8. Gratitude Meditation: In a quiet moment, focus on things you’re grateful for. Picture them in your mind and let those feelings settle in. This is a great way to end your day on a high note.

9. Gratitude Boards: Get creative with images, quotes, and little reminders of things you appreciate. Having a visual reminder can make gratitude a natural part of your space.

10. Reframing with Gratitude: When you’re facing something tough, try asking, “What’s something positive I can find here?” It’s a small shift that can change your outlook.

Gratitude isn’t about having everything you want but recognizing and appreciating what you have. It’s a mindset that can make every day a little bit better, helping us find joy and comfort in the present. So, give some of these tips a try and see how a little gratitude can go a long way!

Loneliness and How The Community Can Help

While common definitions of loneliness describe it as a state of solitude or being alone, loneliness is a state of mind. Loneliness causes people to feel empty, alone, and unwanted. Lonely people often crave human contact, but their state of mind makes it more difficult to form connections with others.

Researchers suggest that loneliness is associated with social isolation, poor social skills, introversion, and depression.

Loneliness, according to many experts, is not necessarily about being alone. Instead, if you feel alone and isolated, then that is how loneliness plays into your state of mind.

Loneliness can have profound effects on both mental and physical health. It can lead to anxiety, depression, and a weakened immune system, increasing the risk of various health issues. Chronic loneliness can also affect cognitive function and overall well-being.

Community plays a crucial role in alleviating loneliness. Engaging with others fosters connections and provides a support system, which can enhance feelings of belonging and purpose.

Community activities, social gatherings, and support groups offer opportunities to build relationships and combat isolation.

By encouraging open communication and shared experiences, communities can help individuals feel valued and understood, ultimately promoting healthier, happier lives.

It may seem impossible and overwhelming to reach out to others and for your own community. Email me at elizabeth@youfirstnow.net, topic lonely. Consider this the first step to building your personal community. 💜

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month

Perhaps you’re aware, or maybe it’s new to you, but breast cancer has played a significant role in my life. When I was 19 years old, my mother was diagnosed with the disease, and it profoundly impacted me in ways I never anticipated. This experience shaped my career in mental health and fueled my mission to educate others about the importance of self-care.

Before my mother’s diagnosis, my understanding of self-care was minimal. Aside from managing my menstrual cycle, keeping my face clean, and hearing my mom's occasional remarks about the challenges of being a woman, I was largely unaware of what it truly meant to take care of myself. Yet, I had a front-row seat to my mother’s journey through illness, which taught me invaluable lessons.

In the year 2000, my mother’s temperament changed dramatically. She was often erratic, and we, as a family, walked on eggshells around her. Unbeknownst to us, her cancer was spreading. I realize now that her poor diet, lack of exercise, and the extreme stress from her job were significant contributors to her health issues. It was as if her body was sending an urgent message: “We’ve had enough. It’s time to change.”

One crucial aspect of self-care that my mother consistently practiced was attending her yearly gynecological checkup. Thankfully, her doctor insisted on a mammogram before renewing her birth control prescription. The cancer, which went undetected by self-exams, had a spiderweb-like structure rather than a distinct lump. This early detection, made possible by medical technology, provided her with the opportunity to take swift action.

Each decision regarding health is deeply personal, but the importance of regular checkups cannot be overstated.

My mom and I firmly believe that if her stress levels had been lower, it might have altered her body’s response to stress and possibly prevented the development of cancer. While she may not have implemented every self-care practice, her commitment to her annual exam may very well have saved her life.

Everything counts when it comes to self-care. Integrating various practices into our lives can significantly enhance our overall well-being. Yearly exams are not just a routine; they are a vital component of a proactive health strategy. They can detect issues early, when they are often more treatable, reinforcing the idea that our bodies are trying to communicate with us. Listening to those signals—and making time for annual checkups—can be life-saving.

In the end, my mother’s experience taught me that while we may not have control over everything that happens in our lives, we do have the power to prioritize our health through consistent self-care practices. Let us honor that by ensuring we take the necessary steps to protect ourselves—starting with our yearly exams.

One Year of The Cup –A Heartfelt Milestone!

Dear You First Now Community,

One year ago, I took a leap of faith and launched The Cup, hoping to create a meaningful connection with a community that values knowledge, growth, and vibrating higher.

Today marks a special occasion—our first anniversary! It’s hard to believe it’s been a whole year since I started this newsletter, and I couldn’t be more grateful for the journey we’ve been on together.

Every issue, every insight, and every connection has been made possible because of you.

Reflecting on Our First Year

As I look back on this past year, I’m reminded that growth comes in many forms. While the numbers may not have skyrocketed, the relationships and conversations we’ve built here have been truly meaningful. It’s the depth of connection with readers like you that makes this experience so rewarding.

Each email I’ve sent has been crafted with care, focusing on sharing valuable insights, personal stories, and moments of reflection. And hearing from you—whether through thoughtful feedback, questions, or your own stories—has been the most rewarding part of this journey.

Our Achievements Together

In the past 12 months, we’ve:

• Sent 12 newsletters filled with ideas and inspiration

• Built a growing community of 224 engaged readers

• Received invaluable feedback that has helped shape the direction of this newsletter

The road hasn’t always been easy, but I’m proud of the consistent effort, the focus on quality over quantity, and the passion that goes into each issue.

Looking Ahead – What’s Next?

As we move into our second year, I’m excited to continue evolving and improving.

Here’s a glimpse of what’s on the horizon:

• More Tailored Content: I’ll continue to focus on the topics that resonate most with you, refining the content to better meet your interests.

• Expanding the Circle: Slowly but surely, we’ll grow, and I’d love for you to help by sharing this newsletter with others who would benefit.

• New Surprises: Expect fresh features, deeper insights, and more ways for us to connect and grow together.

A Special Thank You

I want to take this moment to thank you from the bottom of my heart. Whether you’ve been here since the very beginning or joined us recently, your presence and support have made this journey worthwhile. It’s your engagement that keeps this community alive and thriving, and for that, I am deeply grateful. Your support, whether through reading, sharing, or reaching out, means more than words can express.

Let’s continue this journey together. The road ahead is filled with potential, and I can’t wait to see where it takes us.

With gratitude and excitement for what’s to come,

Elizabeth Z. McDonough

Founder, The Cup

Self-care vs Selfish

A person who prioritizes their self care may come off as being selfish to the person who doesn’t practice self care. This is a common misconception due to lack of knowing their distinctions.

The distinction between self-care and selfishness lies primarily in the balance between addressing personal needs and considering others. At first glance, these two concepts might seem closely related, but their core principles and impacts on relationships and society reveal significant differences.

Selfishness is characterized by a narrow focus on one's desires and needs, often at the expense of others. It involves a mindset that prioritizes personal gain over communal well-being, manifesting as greed, insensitivity, or disregard for others’ perspectives and needs.

A selfish person might consistently seek to maximize their own advantage without considering how their actions affect those around them. Clients have shared with me that addiction “feels” like a selfish disease. This disregard can lead to strained relationships and a lack of mutual support within communities.

In contrast, self-care is about a mindful approach to personal well-being that still acknowledges and respects the needs and feelings of others. It involves taking proactive steps to address one’s own physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual needs in a way that does not undermine or harm those around us.

Engaging in self-care means recognizing the importance of maintaining one’s own health and happiness but doing so in a way that balances personal needs with the responsibility of caring for and nurturing relationships.

Self-care includes practices such as getting adequate sleep, eating nutritious food, and managing stress in healthy ways.

It also extends to maintaining meaningful relationships, engaging in activities that bring joy and fulfillment, and allowing oneself and others the space to grow and make mistakes.

Unlike selfishness, self-care does not involve ignoring others; rather, it emphasizes the importance of healthy boundaries and mutual respect.

By caring for oneself, individuals are often better equipped to support and connect with others, creating a harmonious balance between personal needs and communal responsibilities.

Ultimately, the difference between self-care and selfishness lies in this balance.

Self-care is a positive and necessary practice that fosters personal well-being while enhancing one’s capacity to engage empathetically with others.

Selfishness, on the other hand, is a detrimental focus on self-interest that can erode relationships and social harmony.

Embracing self-care allows individuals to thrive personally while contributing to a supportive and respectful environment for everyone.

To learn more about how you can incorporate self-care practices into your life, email me to set up an appointment at elizabeth@youfirstnow.net. Happy September!

Connecting to YOU!

As routines settle in with the return to school, it's important to remember that self-care can be woven into daily life. The fun of summer doesn’t have to stop with the change of season. Here are some tips to keep self-care practices and joyful activities to nurture your mental and emotional well-being.

Below is a simplified approach to integrating these ideas:

• Reconnect with Joy: Find what brings you happiness, whether it’s a favorite flower, animal, or activity. Embrace these moments fully, engaging all your senses.

• Mindfulness and Presence: Practice mindfulness by noticing your thoughts and maintaining positive dialogue. Engage in activities that bring you back to the present moment, like jumping in a pool or finding unique shells at the beach.

• Creative Outlets: Allow yourself to be creative and playful. Shape stories from clouds, dance to your favorite music, or explore the world through art and imagination.

• Self-Compassion: Practice mirror work, kind self-talk, and self-hugging. Write letters to your inner child and identify triggers to cope better.

• Embrace Neuroplasticity: Understand that your brain can change with new practices and positive reinforcement. Simplify and focus on small, manageable actions that promote mental wellness.

Integrating these practices fosters a nurturing environment for yourself and supports your mental and emotional health.

Turning Obstacles into Opportunities for Growth

“I think everybody should do this one time in their life just to prove to themselves they can do anything they put their mind to,” my 13-year-old son, Kane, exclaimed while hugging me super tight. I was picking him up from a week-long military-style boot camp held in Vermont on a private farm followed by 3 nights at the oldest military school in the USA.

I was intrigued by this camp after reading 10 Rules for Resilience by Joe DeSena, Spartan Race Founder. While reading the book, I felt validated with my school of thought in life and parenting, all obstacles are opportunities for growth and life is hard, choose your hard. He spoke my family’s language. Therefore, leading us to have our oldest experience the “toughest experience he’s ever done.”

Embracing new experiences and conquering challenges greatly enhances psychological well-being by fostering resilience. Stepping out of comfort zones promotes personal growth, expanding knowledge, and enhancing adaptability. It provides opportunities to discover untapped potential and develop coping strategies. Overcoming obstacles cultivates a sense of mastery and empowerment, boosting self-confidence and self-esteem.

I sensed he was different. There was nothing concerning before his experience, yet, I knew he had grown. He said, “Mom, I now know I can get through anything.” He expanded on all the amazing qualities he already possessed. It was like he had unlocked what was inside of him and had full access to it now!

Such experiences also improve problem-solving skills and decision-making abilities. By navigating unknown territories, individuals learn to embrace uncertainty and become more open-minded.

“I cried every night. But I knew this was only temporary. I knew when I made it to the end, I’d be proud of myself and appreciate my life with my family,” my son shared while processing his experience with my husband and me. Overall, these encounters contribute to building emotional strength, developing a positive mindset, and nurturing a resilient attitude toward life's uncertainties. I can’t express how proud I am of Kane for choosing his hard and persevering.

So I ask you, what is your “hard”? What do you want to accomplish that you have let fear or lack of time or any other excuse hold you back from feeling fully aligned? I encourage you to BREAKTHROUGH what is holding you hostage and discover freedom in your mind that is our human right. Contact me to jumpstart your life. I have just the custom recipe for you!

How The Ego Serves You for Personal Growth & Self-awareness

The concept of the ego, as explained by Freud, serves a pivotal role in the psyche by mediating between the primal urges of the id and the societal norms imposed by the superego. Essentially, it acts as a rational entity operating at the conscious level, shaping our perceptions of self and interactions with others.

In everyday life, the ego plays a crucial role in how we navigate challenges and decisions. It's the facet of our consciousness that we are most aware of when reflecting on ourselves and presenting ourselves to the world. However, its influence isn't always straightforward or beneficial. At times, the ego can lead to conflict, insecurity, or a disconnection from our authentic selves.

For instance, conflicts often arise when the ego becomes overly defensive or reactive, especially in response to criticism. The id may prompt immediate emotional reactions, such as anger or hurt, while the superego urges us to maintain composure and professionalism. The ego ideally steps in to evaluate the criticism objectively, considering its validity and responding thoughtfully, which fosters growth and constructive dialogue.

Moreover, the ego's role extends beyond mere conflict resolution. It also influences our daily habits and self-discipline. When faced with decisions like skipping a workout, the id may prioritize immediate gratification (relaxation), while the superego emphasizes the long-term benefits of health and discipline.

The ego strikes a balance by suggesting compromises or alternative plans, such as adjusting the workout schedule to accommodate both relaxation and fitness goals.

In the context of self-awareness exercises like the "I am, yeah but" exercise from the YFN Community's Self Care Workshop, individuals are encouraged to identify the sources of their internal dialogue. This practice helps distinguish between the ego (represented as the "energy drainer" or the voice of resistance), the true self (the healthiest and most authentic version of oneself), and the inner child (rooted in past experiences and emotional reactions).

By recognizing these different facets of the psyche, individuals can cultivate curiosity and mindfulness. They can explore why certain thoughts or reactions arise, thereby gaining insights into their motivations and behaviors. This self-awareness is essential for personal growth, as it enables individuals to make conscious choices aligned with their values and aspirations, rather than being driven solely by instinctual urges or societal pressures.

Furthermore, understanding the ego's role in shaping perceptions and behaviors empowers individuals to engage more authentically with themselves and others. It encourages empathy and compassion, as individuals become more adept at recognizing and managing their own ego-driven responses while appreciating the complexities of others' perspectives.

In conclusion, while the ego can sometimes lead to internal conflicts or a sense of disconnection from our true selves, it also serves as a critical tool for navigating life's challenges with rationality and self-awareness. By cultivating mindfulness and understanding its dynamics, individuals can harness the ego's potential for personal growth, resilience, and genuine connection in their personal and professional lives.

Men are Not Exempt: Postpartum Men

Did you know that fathers can experience perinatal/postpartum mood and anxiety disorders? Research has found that 1 in 10 dads get postpartum depression and up to 18% develop a clinically significant anxiety disorder, such as generalized anxiety disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and post-traumatic stress disorder at some point during the pregnancy or the first year of postpartum.

Furthermore, 10% of new dads experience, paternal postpartum depression and it is raised to 50% when the mom is depressed!

Understanding, primal behaviors that innately happen with a new child will help lessen complications between the couple. Men automatically have the sense to provide. This will translate into being hyper-focused on working more (earning more money). Commonly, this hyperfocus on work is misperceived by the mom, therefore internalizing it as abandonment. As you can see this is a recipe for miscommunication and not feeling seen or heard.

While new mothers may feel more emotional demonstrated by crying spells, new fathers may experience, anxiety, and depression, but be reluctant to talk about it. Common symptoms for paternal prenatal or postpartum depression include anger, sudden, outbursts, or violent behavior—an increase in impulsive or risk-taking behavior, including turning to substances such as alcohol or prescription drugs.

While women usually see peak symptoms around 2 to 3 months men usually peak later in the first year.

It’s an adjustment, getting used to sleep changes and new rules and responsibilities.

Lack of sleep, history of mental illness, a strained relationship with spouse, concerns, or high expectations about becoming a father, financial concerns, and fears about the changing dynamics of family structure add to a higher risk of postpartum depression.

Social pressures to stay strong and provide keep men from sharing their authentic feelings. Men will try and “suck it up,” and “be the rock,” while crumbling inside. Pay attention to the physical symptoms which can include headaches and stomachaches.

Remember, knowledge is power. Your family is all on the same team, look out for each other. Have compassion for one another and always know that help is ready for you.

At You First Now, I proudly say “I speak dude.” Typical responses from dads are like “This doesn’t feel like a counseling session. We are just shootin’ the $h!t”

All along, there is common ground, validation, and education that can be used immediately upon leaving the session.

I’m grateful for the time I have with my family. When both parents are addressed, everyone benefits!

Coping with a Loss

Journaling is one of my favorite ways to get my thoughts in order and to begin a healing process toward more peace and understanding of “why” things happen. I had a miscarriage between the births of my two sons. It was the girl I always dreamed of. Journaling and therapy brought me to an understanding that my miscarriage was separate from birthing my second son. I can be sad about the loss of a baby and a dream of mine as well as feel over the moon in love with my superhero son. They are not related and the feelings are deep for each happenstance.

I share this poem I wrote when I finally came to peace with my loss.

The most valuable soul

Taught me to be whole

Passed through me in the night

and Brought me to see the light

A present of strength I gained inside

You gave to me when you died.

Thank you for the gift

For it was my heart you did lift

My thoughts of are now so profound

And my feet continue to root in the ground.

Everywhere I look I feel you there

And I'm comforted by the thought that you will always care.

I'm certain that we will meet again

Maybe next time as my best friend.

~EZM

How I Birthed You First Now

I had a perfect life, at least that was my perception. I was married to the man of my dreams, I got pregnant immediately after trying, I had the healthiest pregnancy, I had so much energy, and kept a great figure. I even held my baby in for an hour and a half during natural childbirth because I was playing superwoman waiting for my husband to show up from his work trip in the Bahamas. He made it “just in time” and the baby came out in eight minutes. I felt like I was on top of the world. The natural high compared to nothing I’d ever felt before. I was ready to bring my baby home to the house that we worked hard to prepare and everything was exactly the way I wanted it to be.

That was until I walked over the threshold with my baby, and the walls of my house which were all painted different bright colors (like the highlighter pack) were turning black in my perception and the house became my coffin. My anxiety spiked, OCD took a whole other turn, and out-of-control feelings quickly turned to rage.

I adopted drinking coffee and kicked in high gear toward a relapse into exercise addiction and food restriction. My daily, sometimes twice, 6-mile run was my only saving grace at that point to keep me “feeling sane.” The more I ran the less I yelled at my baby.

My husband left for another job trip, which was common in the life we signed up for together. Being left alone with a newborn was no joke in the condition that I was in. I was full of RAGE and unapproachable, and people who loved me were very afraid of me. On top of that, my Rottweiler Rosie of 16 years needed to be put down! I was untreated professionally for three years and it wasn’t until my guru woke me up that I received help.

WHO was my guru, you ask?…my 3-year-old son (who is now 13 years old!).

It was a typical scenario, my husband was out of town, I was starving, overworked, tired, and pissed off [at my son.] I screamed at him for something, I can’t remember what, but I told him to go to his room until mommy calmed down. I was a rage monster, but I always knew to remove myself from the situation before it got out of hand. I never wanted to physically hurt him and I never did. Thank God.

After a couple of deep breaths and a five-minute pep talk to myself, I knew I had to go back into my son's room and be a "good mom." I sat down on the bed with him. He sat up and I started explaining, “I don’t like the way that I’m acting. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I was feeling frustrated!”

(because I’m a therapist, I have to model talking about my feelings ya know).

The moment I said I was feeling frustrated, he looked at me with his big blue cherub eyes, so pure and loving. He said, “Mommy when you feel frustrated you need to take a step back and ask for help.”

To this day, it’s the best advice I have ever received.

So here we are, I semi-got my act together and You First Now was born. The basic premise is a self-care umbrella that covers a lot of other female issues including eating disorders, fitness and nutrition, perinatal and postpartum mental health, and all of it is self-care. You First Now is an integrative approach, treating the person from the inside out through cognitive behavioral therapies, NeuroLinguistic Programming, which is a fancy way of saying “how we speak to ourselves”, and self-care, which can not be underestimated just getting your nails done and wearing fancy clothes.

I have made it my mission to make sure moms know they have a tribe they can count on. Thanks to Postpartum Support International, they have provided a deep vault of information and connection for moms experiencing symptoms like I did. Since 2020, I have been certified by PSI as a perinatal/postpartum mental health counselor, a regulated certification for already licensed mental health professionals.

In 2023, we expanded our office space and added a workshop area for moms to learn, connect, and grow with other mothers. Our in-house doula, Victoria Rose, leads a donation-based walk every other Monday.

We continue to give back to the community and dedicate service to our local non-profit, Healthy Mothers Healthy Babies of Palm Beach County.

I wish I had the support, resources, and knowledge to know there was help out there. However, my experience led me to the most honorable work there is, to care for a mother, to help her fill her cup so that her child gets the best of her instead of what is left of her.

For amazing resources please check out the links below. Do not suffer in silence and alone. You are important and the world needs your miraculous self!

Sending love to your heart from mine,

Elizabeth

A Note about Postpartum Anxiety

Having a new baby in the mix opens the senses to allow a lot more information to enter. It is common for a mother to feel overwhelmed with the new adjustments. Postpartum anxiety has a different tone than “just feeling overwhelmed.” Sleep deprivation adds to the body’s response to an anxious thought or feeling.

“I was fearful that I was doing nothing correctly as a mother. I feared I was ruining him by my incompetence. I coped by running 3 to 5 miles a day and sometimes twice daily because that was the only thing I could do to give me any relief. But when I stopped the anxiety flooded in like a newly opened damn.”

Below are common symptoms that move beyond a feeling of anxiety.

Symptoms:

*trouble completing tasks fully

*agoraphobia- fear of being in open or public spaces

*avoid something out of fear or worry something bad will happen

*insomnia & fatigue

*easily distracted

*inability to relax

*loss of appetite

*agitation & Irritability

*panic attacks

*suicidal thoughts

*indecisiveness

You are not alone! Help is on the way!

Try the below suggestions that align best with you.

Remember, telling a trusted friend or partner is the first step.

Make yourself accountable for choosing YOU and if you feel like you’d prefer more guidance and relief, give You First Now a call.

We have mom groups and a licensed maternal mental health counselor ready to start with you! (That’s me!)

Suggested Tools to find relief, participate at your discretion:

* mindful yoga

* gratitude journal

* proper medication (prescribed by someone familiar with PMADs)

* CBD

* breathing exercises

* talk therapy (call me!)

* cut down on the caffeine

* stop reading How to mother (anxiety-provoking)

& trust yourself (you know the answer

because it’s right for you and your baby)

It’s MY Birthday!

As I approach my 44th birthday, I remind myself of the seasons of life that have passed me. On my birthday, I reflect on each of the years, now each of the decades lol, to recognize the times where I was so incredibly overwhelmed, sometimes felt life couldn’t get any worse, full of anxiety and definitely a lot of anger. In particular this one story always reminds me that I’m right where I need to be.

I wanted to go out on my own and leave the big therapy practice I was a part of. I wanted my own office, a space that I could design and call home for You First Now. I came across a woman who was renting a room in her building. She ran a lucrative and beautifully designed acupuncture business. We were the same age and boy oh boy did I feel like I was behind and lagging in life when I entered her facility. I felt like I had nothing to show for all the work I’ve done thus far.

Thoughts raced through my head sounding like, “What have you been doing Elizabeth? Clearly you don’t know what it takes to be a businesswoman! You’re never going to succeed.” All those horrible thoughts led me into a spiral of comparison, and luckily, I had the wherewithal to pause. I took a chance, let my ego down, shared my frustration, and asked this amazing entrepreneur what her secret was to her success. She responded to me in a way that I had never expected by saying, “I would trade my life with you.”

Caught off guard, I was completely shocked by what I heard and a bit confused, I asked her to explain further.

She said, “This practice has taken me eight years to develop into what you see before you. You’ve been in the season for the last decade finding the love of your life, enjoying marriage, creating a family, and raising children. We are the same age, and I, very likely will not have the family that I once dreamed of. You have all the time in the world to create a business.”

It was an eye-opening moment that seriously smacked me upside the head. I have never been the same since. I do my best to avoid comparing myself with anyone. I focus on the choices I’ve made and encourage you to concentrate on the choices that you make daily for the dreams of your life to come true.

Standing on the inside, I couldn’t see all the blessings that were around me and it took an outsider to wake me up and set me straight. We can only be 100% of a person (I like to think sometimes I’m 50% mermaid but that’s another story). If you want to be 100% mom you cannot be 100% entrepreneur.

Something has got to give. You can do the best you can in each area, but certainly 100% is not being had in all areas all at once.

With this new wisdom in my back pocket, it gave me the freedom and love in my heart to be flexible with myself to enjoy my family rather than resent the fact that I had not enough time for myself and my dreams. Recognize there is a season for all parts of life. What season are you in currently? How can you embrace the season you’re in?

You may not know why things happen or why you’re in the thick of the mud right now, but if you trust the Universe, have faith that each one of us is made for greatness. Stay persistent, consistent, disciplined, and focused plus add a sprinkle of fun in there every single day. The bigger picture, the bigger plan, will come to light over time and you’ll get sparkles of confirmation that you are exactly where you need to be at this moment.

xo, Elizabeth